Would YOU like a Maid2Clean Your Home ?

That's it.  That's exactly what the leaflet says.  Normally we get 'Domino Pizza' leaflets at least once a week.  They just ram them in our letterbox and we have to pull them out, ripping them along the way and wondering why we need so many leaflets.  Perhaps if they didn't spend so much on advertising then they could lower their prices.  Anyway.  Today's leaflet is advertising maids. 

I'm desperately looking for a new job so at the moment I don't really need a maid.  Besides which, my husband is my maid.  Okay, so he doesn't have a dress and an apron like the lady on this leaflet, or at least if he does, I've never seen him wearing it.  In any case, the jobs get done just the same.  Although I wish he'd tell me when he's cleaned the toilet out and wiped bleach or cleaner over the toilet seat.  That way, when I sit down on it I would NOT get a wet bum !!!  So even though we don't need a maid, this leaflet concerned me a little.  I'm wondering if it's a 'secret coded ad' for a 'different' kind of maid.  I mean, look at the bottom right of it.  'Internal windows'.  Is that code for something else ?  Then there is 'one-off jobs'.  Jobs.  The word 'jobs' just makes me wonder.  The 'one-off' part does too.  So maybe these aren't codewords.  Maybe it's the real deal.  Then again, the 'one-off jobs' part - what does that mean ?  The maid does such a bad job the first time that it becomes a one-off because they don't want her calling again ?

Then I look at the other page.  Hourly rate ONLY £9.00 - £9.75.  Ha.  No way.  HE does the cleaning and all I need to offer is lunch consisting of a couple of bread rolls with cheap ham in them.  Oh, and a can of drink or cup of coffee.  That equates to not much more than £2.00, and that's not for the hour - that's for cleaning the whole day !  Although if I ever did need a maid it does say 'working hours to suit you', so presumably she could come to work for a couple of hours around 3am ?  You know, when we've had a bit of a party and there are lots of beer cans and half-eaten burgers from the barbecue left laying around and we are just too drunk to clear up.  Would she come and clear that up ?  I have to admit though, I'm going off the idea of the maid.  I get halfway down this and it says the maids are vetted.  Then it also says you can change your worker.  Why would you need to if they've been vetted.  Then it says about sickness replacement cover.  Great.  I've not hired the maid yet and there is already talk of her being off sick.  So no, we won't be getting a maid.  Perhaps I'll just give HIM an extra chocolate biscuit to go with his rolls and drink.  He is outside cleaning the car at the moment.  Where does it say on the leaflet that the maid cleans cars ?  See - a maid would be no good !!!